VIP Client

Short of the fashion industry (maybe), in what other profession could you find clients this cute?

How rich are you?

The Global Rich List is one of the most humbling/striking object lesson I've ever experienced. It answers the question "How rich are you?" relative to the rest of the world's population. The obvious answer for most North Americans: VERY RICH...but you should see it for yourself here.

PS - Thanks to Ellen in Haiti whose blog I've stolen this and other interesting links from!

Nap tann - We are waiting

The celebration of Advent is possible only to those who are troubled in soul, who know themselves to be poor and imperfect, who look forward to something greater to come. For these, it is enough to wait in humble fear until the Holy One himself comes down to us, God in the child in the manger. God comes. The Lord Jesus comes. Christmas comes. Christians rejoice! - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Over the last two weeks, a small group of my fellow blan friends working for NGOs in Haiti have met together to celebrate Advent. Both sessions - the first focused on Hope and the second on Peace - have been encouraging times of reading, reflection, singing and prayer. A recurring theme has been the need to "look forward to something greater to come" (and to remember the good that is already here) for those we love in Haiti -a place where so many are troubled in body and soul.

I didn't grow up knowing anything about Advent. The year after we graduated, our household of three college friends tried to meet for a few minutes each evening to light a candle, read a passage and sing a carol. (None of us are musical but we did manage to pull of a pretty fun rendition of Go Tell it on the Mountain) Since then, I've managed to have some form of Advent celebration each year with friends or on my own. The daily reading calendar I use most years can be found here (Note: this is not a general endorsement of FOTF). I also really like some of the reflections in this book.

For a totally different perspective, check out these postings of images taken with the Hubble Space telescope for 25 days of Advent. Incredible.

weekend in Les Cayes

I spent the weekend visiting my friend K in Les Cayes - Haiti's third largest city located on the south coast about 4 hours drive from Port-au-Prince. I traveled with K's godson Garysson - a very cute six-year old boy. Several years ago (when G was 3) K, a pediatric nurse, accompanied G to the DR when he underwent 2 months of radiation therapy for eye cancer. The treatment was successful but G lost his eye. K has been trying to get him a prosthetic and wanted him to come to Les Cayes especially to see a doctor at the Brenda Hospital - a specialty clinic with ophthalmologists and ENT docs. Unfortunately the news from them was not what we hoped. It sounds like he is going to require reconstructive plastic surgery to create an eye socket before he can successfully receive a prosthetic eye. They didn't know of anyone practicing in Haiti with the training and tools needed for the surgery - which means another long wait while K tries to find a specialist, procure a visa and funds for surgery in the DR or Cuba. Despite the disappointment, it was such a joy to watch G splash in the ocean, ride in a speed boat and clean off huge plates of food- all of which are a pretty big departure from his day-to-day life in the slum community where he lives with his parents and two older siblings in Port-au-Prince.

This was my second trip to Okay (the Kreyol name) and I'm making an early New Year's resolution to try to get back at least one weekend per month next quarter. It's a lovely quiet town with walkable streets and easy access to some even lovelier beaches - such a contrast to Port-au-Prince in most every way. Below is the slide show I pulled together of photos from the weekend trip taken with my new "research tool"- a digital SLR camera.

the screaming pigs

No, that's not the name of a new rock band. It's the sound I listened to this morning as I sat on our back porch and drank my morning coffee. A group of boys were herding several pigs down the street that runs alongside our townhouse complex. The sound was something between a car that won't start and nails on a chalk board. Whoever coined the term "squeal of delight" was definitely not listening to a group of hogs - if so something like "grunt of fear and anguish" would have been more appropriate.

with thanksgiving

When I met these 18-month-old marasa (twins) a month ago, they were both frighteningly skinny, covered with sores and had only patches of brittle orange hair. The little boy had a respiratory infection. The little girl had no appetite -she was clingy and irritable. Just four weeks later, after receiving rehabilitation doses of the “peanut butter medicine” and a course of antibiotics they have put on enough weight to be taken off the rehabilitation diet. Their hair is growing back. They are laughing and playing. The little boy ran ran around our office (the little girl still seems a bit developmentally delayed). Their mother and auntie were very relieved. While I still fear that we may see them back again in a few months (we counseled the mother on improved feeding practices but her lack of financial means are likely the biggest obstacle to caring for her kids), for now I am just thankful.

melon in manhattan?

Vertical farms (http://www.verticalfarm.com/) – the solution to urban food crisis? Not sure but they sure look cool.

Wi Nou Kapab

We were on the way home from the clinic about a month ago when my eye caught a very familiar looking logo on the back of an SUV sitting next to us in traffic - a blue circle with rising white sun over red and white stripes. While at first glance it looked like a typical campaign bumper sticker, looking closer I read "Obama/Biden Wi Nou Kapab" (Haitian Kreyol for "yes we can"). I've been doing my best to track one down as a little memorial of a historical election and a big birthday here in Haiti. I think they may have been produced by Young Haitians for Obama but haven't managed to find one yet.

As in much of the world, Obama is very popular in Haiti. There were pre-election pro-Obama rallies here in Port-au-prince. The unfolding of the US election results was broadcast live on local Haitian television. I even saw a flyer advertising a concert in his honor. At 12:30am on Nov 5, my co-worker sent me a celebratory text message with the electoral college vote tally. Later that morning at work, after she finally saw Obama in person for the first time on the TV in the waiting room, she told me that she thinks I look like Obama. A very blue eyed, blond haired North American friend later told me that one of his Haitian colleagues said the same thing to him. I can definitively say that my friend does NOT look anything like Obama but I'm still just going to take my colleague's statement for the compliment I am pretty sure it was intended to be!

While it's not surprising that many Haitians were pro-Obama; what is more interesting is that back during the primaries a good portion of the Haitian population was very afraid of Hillary Clinton becoming president. There is a complex history between Haiti and the Clintons. (A warning - I do not know as much about this as I should and thus this explanation is likely oversimplified) This 2003 Wall Street Journal article gives you some quick background on why Bill Clinton is considered by many Haitians as a friend and supporter of former president Arisitide. Aristide, who had been democratically elected in 1990 but then overthrown in 1991 in a military coup, came back to power in 1994 with the backing of the Clinton administration. In more recent years, there have been lawsuits filed in the US accusing Aristide of receiving kick-backs from corrupt deals with US telecommunications companies that have ties to high-level officials from Clinton's administration.

Aristide, now more or less in exile in South Africa after being forcibly removed from office in 2004 (once again with US government involvement) remains an incredibly divisive personality here on the island and among the Haitian diaspora. As an outsider, it's almost impossible for me to know of what to think of him. He started as a liberation theologian priest with a strong voice for the poor and social justice. By the time he left office, Aristide's tenure was clouded by allegations of inciting political violence and kidnapping, involvement in the drug trade and generalized corruption. A certain percentage of the population still hopes for his return to political power. Many others, including most of the middle and upper class, see him as a corrupt and dangerous person who furthered Haiti's decline into poverty and violence. They fear his return.

Given the associations here between the Clintons and Aristide, it will be very interesting to hear what rumors start floating about if Hillary does indeed get appointed Secretary of State. I would not be surprised if it fuels some whisperings again about Aristide's return to Haiti - a fairly common rumor that surfaces at almost any opportunity. It's so interesting (and quite scary actually) to watch how dominant a role US politics and policies can play in a place that so few of North Americans ever even think twice of - except when it comes to mission trip support letters or fund drives for the latest disaster relief effort. The truth is that your US electoral vote may be more of a contribution to Haiti's wellbeing (or not) than a jump-a-thon pledge to support such causes ever could.

Back to an Obama note..to the right is a picture of my favorite piece of Obama propaganda. A fabulous set of chairs on display at a store in NYC. The print actually reminds me quite a bit of fabrics common in Central and West Africa that feature bright pop art-esque images of political candidates, musicians and other famous folks that people proudly sew and sport as shirts and dresses. Would not be surprised if some people are already decked out in Obama's image there too.

close encounters of the best kind

One of the wonderful advantages of having already worked in the international development arena for several years before coming to Haiti for my grad school research is that I have a network of friends/former colleagues who actually end up coming down to Port-au-Prince on work-related visits.

I've gotten to see one of my best friend's husbands twice this last year - but missed his most recent visit last week because I was the one back in the USA. (G - I do actually count you as my friend now too!) I randomly ran into a DC-based friend-of-a-friend at a hotel bar here earlier this year and I have another fellow former WR'r who is coming down at the start of December with her latest job. Today though, I had an extra special visit with "Uncle" Ken - former WR chief microfinance guru who is here for a month-long consulting assignment. We met up for church and brunch with two of my newest favorite blans in Haiti - A and B - MCC volunteers who recently started a 3-year term in Port-au-Prince. Here are a couple photos for all my fellow Kenny G-fans:

I spent 8-18 November traveling back to Ithaca to work through some issues related to my research with one of my advisers. It was extremely helpful - but not quite as productive as I would have liked since I had a really bad sinus cold that knocked me out by 8 or 9 pm each night. It's still lingering around as I write this evening.

As always, I tried to maximize my time in the USA by seeing as many of my friends as I possibly could. Am thankful that a good number of them are still clustered on the east coast. I flew from Haiti to Philly to visit the lovely S family and pick up my car which they graciously watch over in order to drive to Ithaca. During my week in Ithaca I stayed with the other S family - the Philly-based S family's in-laws who have been gracious hosts and caretakers throughout my Cornell experience. I had too short but still lovely visits with four of my Ithaca gal pals, a few happy encounters with fellow nutrition grad students (who I must say are a pretty great group of people all around) but sadly missed the change to personally welcome the brood of babies that have been born to Ithaca friends over the last few months. I didn't want to pass along my nasty cold. They will likely be walking by the time I do actually get to meet them!

After Ithaca it was on to NYC for a very lovely weekend with my parents who flew into town just to see me. We wandered the city quite a bit - highlights include eating lots of good food, visiting the Tenement Museum on the Lower East Side, picking up a couple books at the Strand, perusing ABC Carpet and Home (and then wondering if I should attempt to marry a plastic surgeon or bond trader so I can shop there one day) and taking in the new James Bond movie rather than trying for Broadway hot tix (a choice I do not regret). On Sunday, we met up with another set of dear friends (yet another S family) for church and after sending my parents off to the airport, I traveled uptown to Harlem for 24 hours with these S's before jet setting back to Haiti . (Sorry if any of you other lovely NYC-based folks read this and wonder why I didn't get in touch - my lingering cold kept me from going full speed. A la pwochenn - I promise).

Oh and I even got a bonus friend encounter along the way! As I was walking into baggage claim at the Philadelphia airport I heard someone calling my name. It was the C's - dear friends and fellow Chicagoans with Cornell connections. (We met in Ithaca but see each other each time I pass through the Windy City). They had also just arrived to the Philly airport in order to attend a family member's wedding. Despite my jet-lag, I was so thankful for such an unexpected encouragement that I captured it to share with the rest of you.

the budget diet

A couple weeks ago the NYT featured this story about the realities of eating in American on a tight budget. It featured a California couple who spent a month eating on a dollar per day - $2 per day for their household. They blogged about their experience here. The already vegetarian couple lived on beans and grains. Fresh fruits and vegetables were pretty much out of their budget reach. He lost 13 pounds while she lost 5.

I was struck by how similar some of the issues faced by the couple are to those I see all around me in Port-au-Prince. In Haiti, 80% of households live on less than 2 dollars per day - about half live on less than $1. From my personal observations, food prices are really not so different from those in the USA. A small can of condensed milk (enough for 1 baby bottle if reconstituted) costs 20 gourdes - about 50 US cents. A single banana averages about 8-10 gourdes - 20 to 25 US cents. A packet of saltine crackers is about the cheapest option out there at 5 gourdes - 8 cents US. The photo above features the ingredients of labouyi bon bon sel - generally considered the cheapest and quickest porridge there is (quick cooking means cheap because you don't have to pay for as much charcoal for the cooking fire). With the milk - which some families can't afford, it costs 30 gourdes (75 cents) to prepare.

Multiply those food costs by 2-6 children and 1-3 adults and it is no wonder that the pictures and news coming out of Haiti are so sad. In the context of rising global food prices and in the wake of the hurricanes child malnutrition is on the rise. I know I've personally seen more and more cases of severe malnutrition among children of mothers at our clinic.

On the flip side, for most families living on a tight food budget in the USA, risk of obesity is actually the greater concern. The NYT article also featured findings a study of food prices in Seattle-area supermarkets conducted by the University of Washington which found that: “energy dense” junk foods, which pack the most calories and fewest nutrients per gram, were far less expensive than nutrient-rich, lower-calorie foods like fruits and vegetables. The prices of the most healthful foods surged 19.5 percent over the two-year study period, while the junk food prices dropped 1.8 percent."

The United States is not the only the only place where relative poverty is associated with growing risks of obesity. PRI's The World did an interesting series on obesity at the end of 2007 including this story from the Republic of South Africa.

In what has been coined "the nutrition transition" there has been a documented increase in nutrition-related chronic diseases such as obesity, diabetes and heart disease in many low and middle income countries at all income levels. Most telling of the complexity of this trend is the growing number of households where two forms of malnutrition co-exist - overnutrition (obesity) in mothers and undernutrition in children. Analysis of a 1989 national survey in Brazil showed that among malnourished children under 4 years old, almost 22% had an overweight or obese mother.

30-some reflections

I turned 30 on November 4^th here in Port-au-Prince. It really wasn’t that big of a deal – it was positively overshadowed by the US electoral frenzy. I’ve basically been saying that I was already 30 for the last year - so I just finally feel like I’m being honest.

The most official/near-the-date celebration was put together by my lovely co-workers at the clinic on Nov 5 (they tried to do it on the day but we were so busy that the cake sat uneaten until the next day) - here are a few photos of the brief but very sweet fete (party).

I did make another attempt to celebrate the weekend before by inviting some people over for cake and wine with hopes of then going to a concert by a local band I really like. That ended up turning into a bit of a Bridget Jones style self pity party when effectively no one actually showed up and I was left there sitting alone, listening to Feist, drinking white wine, looking at the uneaten cake and then crying to my parents on the phone.

(I have to make the disclaimer that several people RSVPed that they would have liked to but just could not come; one other friend spent the entire morning and afternoon with me leading up to the attempted party which was really great; my two neighbors stopped by a little after the intended party start time and helped me drink the bottle of wine and eat the cake; and another friend ended up taking me out to a different club than the concert I was hoping for. Two days later at an election party some of the same people who didn’t show up for the weekend party bought me a cake and sang. I was not totally abandoned!)

Three weeks on I still feel a need to mark this 30^th year somehow on this blog and so for lack of other means at the moment, I’ll present 30 statements/ thoughts/ reflections/ confessions/ ideas/ hopes related to my life so far and my life to come (si bondye vle).

I’m actually trying to stay committed to not over-thinking/over-editing this list (hence rambling/random nature). I am also committed to not putting anything up here that will put my job prospects into jeopardy when this is potentially rediscovered in cyberspace even after I have attempted to take it down. If you want details or to know what’s missing, just ask me in person! If you see something here that would make you not want to hire me, let me know.

So here it goes – this is probably more for me than any of you so don’t feel like you have to stick through this entire list. It’s probably better than you don’t….

1. I really really love spicy food. 10 years ago – not so much. Siracha sauce is the secret ingredient in almost everything I cook (shhh). Don’t worry though, if I ever invite you to dinner and I don’t know whether you also like spicy food, I will put it on the side

2. I wanted to pierce my nose after college but I didn’t do it because I was going to work with conservative church-related people in East Africa. Now I realize no one would have really cared that much if I had done it. I don’t want to pierce my nose anymore but I do still want a tattoo. I've already picked out a design that I think I could live with for the next 50 years or so. Stay tuned…

3. If I wasn’t who I am right now - working in public health in contexts like Haiti, I’d probably aspire to be this person or this person or this person. Maybe even this person. I think I see a pattern here.

4. I used to feel that my relative maturity was a huge part of my identity. I loved it when people said “you’re only 23 and you are doing/thinking/saying x, y, z” Now that maturity is a bit more the expectation, I can see how immature I was/am/will likely continue to be. Hopefully there is still a lifetime of character formation yet to come.

5. I am a procrastinator. I’ve always known this. I used to want to change it….but always put off trying. Now I can’t decide whether it is worth changing. Let’s face it - I kind of like it. Plus now I have blogging, the perfect enabler for it.

6. Ten years ago, I would have said my late 20’s would be defined by falling in love and getting married somewhere between 26-28 and having a baby at 30. Well, that has not happened. I’m somehow very disappointed and yet also very grateful – a bit more preoccupied than I want to be but trying to keep it overall hopeful about what is yet to come.

7. I have had some absolutely amazing mentors over the last 10 years. Women (and some men) from all corners of the world. Some more established; some from a distance. I wish I was better about maintaining those precious connections now. I wish I were a better listener then. Thank you.

8. I am thankful for the “professional path” I’ve traveled so far. I love that I have arrived at the field of nutrition – an area of focus which I really think I will be happy to dedicate a lifetime of work to. That said, over the last 8.5 years, I still don’t feel like I’ve found a work rhythm that I truly enjoy on a day-to-day basis. I actually often get bored – not because I don’t have enough I should do at each job each day but rather I can’t change up things enough to satisfy me. I love to write but I have my limits. I love to think but sometimes I just want to do. I want to know what it’s like to be a “front line worker”. I love being with people. I love talking to moms. My public health-related focus so far doesn’t really enable that. I think I know that the best thing to do is to continue in my current path – to spend my 30’s deepening my knowledge of nutrition, working on ways to address real world nutritional problems (rather than book/classroom-level) and developing my skills as a teacher. But part of me can’t stop thinking about becoming a pediatrician. I’d probably love the ends but the means makes me want to throw up….

9. In the last 5 years I think I finally started to understand and truly appreciate a wide range of arts and artists. I honestly don’t think I had ever really experienced the depth of feelings needed to get it. I've come a long way fast…

10. I have never wanted to go into outer space and I don’t think I ever will. I also am not so into the idea of scuba diving - mostly because I think the pressure would hurt my ears too much - and because 25+ years after seeing Jaws I am still afraid of sharks.

11. The 3 places I’ve been to that I would most like to go back to are the Democratic Republic of Congo, Mozambique and Ireland.

12. The places I still want to go? Well, quite a lot. But current top places are Southeast Asia (Cambodia, Laos, Viet Nam), Paris, India, Ethiopia and basically everywhere featured in the second half of my favorite James Bond movie, Casino Royale.

13. I read way too fast to actually remember most any of it. With novels, I usually read too fast to even remember the general story line afterwards. It’s all about being entertained/ distracted in the moment.

14. I definitely regret not taking more philosophy, literature or theology in college. I honestly think I avoided them because I was afraid of failure. Now I am afraid of not being able to ask good questions…which is probably exactly what those fields would have taught me.

15. I am truly a child of the suburbs. Before college the longest road trip I had ever taken was something like the 6 hour drive to camp (which was overnight) and then the 3-4 hour drive to Springfield, IL. Because of my dad’s business travels, we always flew places on his free frequent flyer miles rather than drive. Those few drives felt like forever. Before college, my only trips out of USA were for family vacations to Canada, Mexico and Costa Rica. Before college, I had only been tent camping once – and that was at a Yogi Bear camp ground in Indiana with my high school friends. We were the only tents in a sea of RVs.

16. I’m a bit stupidly prideful about the fact that I’ve never gone on any group travel that involved wearing matching t-shirts and proselytizing. I am definitely embarrassed of my Evangelical identity when I see such groups coming down on flights to Haiti. I know that I am being judgmental – and I expect that I will even have to take it back one day when I finally put on a matching t-shirt myself.

17. I fear that my interest in cookbooks borderlines on obsession. I acquire something like 5 per year – even though I hardly ever cook - especially not in Haiti. I love to read them, look at pictures, think about cooking, I already know I am going to be cursing them every time it comes time to move again …

18. I don’t think I’ll ever have hair longer than chin-length again. I have finally fully embraced the fact that I didn’t get the genes for the thick dark wavy Heidkamp hair.

19. After being secretly proud of the fact that I hadn’t seen any yet, in March I realized it was just poor lighting that had kept me from discovering my grey hair before then. I have a lot.

20. I really like my name – Rebecca Anne. (although I do think the Rebekah spelling is more interesting) After switching from Becky to Rebecca when I went to college, I still feel like I have a bit of a new and improved identity…not to offend or scare any of you who liked Becky.

21. I’ve realized that I am such an idealist / perfectionist / thinker type that I often am satisfied by just knowing about / thinking through something rather than ever acting upon or experiencing it. That’s not how you change the world.

22. I don’t think I’ll ever be anyone’s maid of honor;. That used to really bother me. It really doesn’t anymore. I’m still hopeful to get to be a godmother….although I’m not sure I’m ready yet.

23. Even after a Wheaton College education, I still couldn’t tell you all the book of the Bible in order. That disappoints me. I know it’s not essential but I feel like it’s testimony to my ever-since-childhood tendency to allow my perfectionism lead me to quit trying on my own accord well before I could potentially fail while still trying… This is much deeper than knowing a list of books…but this not the time to go there….

24. I wish I had a green thumb. I would love to be one of those hipster urban organic farmer types….but the reality is I can’t even keep a house plant alive and I really don’t like manual labor all that much.

25. I wish a were a pet person….but the reality is that with the exception of a few lonely evenings when I think it would be nice to have a feline or canine companion, I think that they are way too much money and work and hassle.

26. I hope to be part of a community improv comedy troop one day and to learn how to use photoshop and other graphic design software. I’d like to join a non-fiction writers workshop and maybe learn how to give real manicures and pedicures. I don’t ever want to write a novel.

27. I don’t think I’m as nice as I used to be. At least I know that I don’t care as much about what other think of me as I did before. I know that’s natural and overall I’m thankful….but I’m a little afraid of it too.

28. I totally change the way I speak depending on who I am talking to.... without thinking about it. I actually thing it’s kind of annoying. Over the summer, I was in a store in Chicago and asked the woman working there whether or not all of the shirts were OUT.. She immediately asked if I was Canadian. I felt kind of stupid saying that I was from Chicago but that I hang out with lots of Canadians in Haiti…

29. I still have an aversion to churros (fried dough sticks) after having a bad one in a school lunch in Palatine, IL back in 3^rd grade or so that made me want to throw up. I honestly can’t think of any other food that I totally dislike except this corn drink that one of the family members I lived with in Honduras made - corn as a beverage just doesn’t work for me

30. My worldview has shifted to interpreting most of what I see through a structural/ ecological/ historical lens. I really have come to embrace the idea that we are mostly products of our environments - with a bit of genetics, volition and God's grace thrown in. I am privileged by little to no act or merit of my own. If I were in the shoes of the mothers and children I work with, I would be no better - and likely much worse - physically off then many of them are. I am privileged because of where, when and to whom I was born. Part of my vocation is to help be a small part of bringing about structural / ecological /environmental change that makes such privilege a little less privileged and a little more about honoring each and every person's life, rights and value.

Pumpkin politics

My dear friend SLS got political in her pumpkin carving this year. I'm sure this is only one of thousands of Sarah Palin pumpkins that graced Halloween porches across the United States this election year...but I'll go ahead and elect this one as my favorite without waiting for the input of CNN or SNL (favorite pumpkin that is - honestly not quite my favorite politician)

I was very relieved to finally receive my absentee ballot in the mail last week. New York allows you to post mark the ballot up to November 3rd so I sent it off with a US-bound traveler on Friday afternoon. While my vote won't likely "matter" much in my already deep blue state, this is one election that I just couldn't bear the thought of missing....

Why?

Today was a tough day.

I arrived back to work at the clinic this morning to the news that 3 of the 9 children we were planning to enroll in our project next month died over the last month or two.

A little later in the morning an HIV-positive mother of 20-month-old twins who is followed at the clinic came to see me and my coworker. The twins - a boy and a girl - weighed 6.2 and 7.1 kg respectively. (That puts them at the 0 percentile for weight for height). Their faces and hands were covered with sores. The little boy had a respiratory infection. When I asked the mother what the children were eating she said they had no appetite for solid food (a common side effect of severe malnutrition) and she could not afford milk. We offered her the last few bags of rehabilitation manba that we had on our shelf. I do have some hope that the children may recover weight in the months to come....but her family's needs run so much deeper than what I am prepared to respond to clinically….or on any other level.

The day ended with my colleague pointing out the fresh blood stains on the walkway outside our office door. Our nutrition project space is one doorway down from the sexual violence clinic where rape victims can receive the exam needed to submit a police report. This afternoon, just outside the gate to the clinic's compound, a young girl walking down the street with her father was assaulted and raped at random. Her father immediately brought her, still bleeding from the attack, to the clinic.

I’ve been reading a book about family planning policy in Haiti written by an anthropologist from San Francisco who spent several years living in Cite Soliel – the slum community where a good portion of our patients live. She opens one of the chapters with this quote from a resident in 2003:

I can honestly tell you – with no jobs, no food aid, and in the end, no love – life today is worse than death itself. I think I’ll get more respect when I’m dead.

Another woman from the community ended her description of her current situation by saying:

There have been times when I would just stop and ask God, “Why did you make me?”

Today I found myself asking the same question.

Prizeworthy leadership

“Good governance is the single most important factor in eradicating poverty and promoting development” Kofi Annan, Former United Nations Secretary-General

A story worth sharing about this year's Ibrahim Prize winner - Botswana's former president Festus Mogae. I only hope that one day soon my own country will will have a president who exhibits such humble strength as Mr. Mogae who responded being honored with the following:

"One does one's work, one uses one's best endeavours to do a job as well as one could, and if other people then assess it and judge it to be meritorious and worth of recognition it's then honouring and humbling,....I did not create the democracy in my country, I consolidated it and deepened it by practiced, accountable governance, respect of the rule of law, independence of the courts, respect for human rights, including women's rights"

ma galerie d'art haïtien

This round in Haiti I've let myself indulge a little more in the country's amazing visual art scene. I've purchased several paintings by Haitian artists over the last 6 months. In previous years, I only bought art from street vendors or craft shops but recently I've had the chance to learn a bit more about the more established Haitian art scene from the lovely Haitian-Swiss-American family that owns the Gallerie Monnin in the suburb just outside of Port-au-Prince.

After being in and around Haiti for several years now, I have developed deeper convictions about the need to invest and showcase Haiti's incredible cultural resources - both the visual arts and music. They must be capitalized on if this country is going to develop the way of its neighboring tourism-driven economies. (The DR and other neighboring islands actually import Haitian art to sell in their own tourist markets).

My most recent art buying splurge (see pair of paintings on left) was also justified by more selfish motivations - a bit of self-entitlement and even a little self-pity related to the turning 30 in a few weeks. Self-entitlement is a dangerous thing at any time but especially for a graduate student living on a relatively limited stipend....who happens to have a taste for slightly expensive art. I've told myself that I can only purchase one more piece before I go - and only if my bank balance around the time of my departure really allows it. I'm afraid this resolution for restraint in art acquisition might go the sorry way of many of my other resolutions, New Years and otherwise.... but at least there might be some nice art to show for it this time around.

Escape Artist

This Tuesday afternoon I am scheduled to head to Washington DC for a meeting on research agendas in HIV/AIDS and Nutrition. I am super thankful for the chance to go. Professionally it's a great opportunity to stay current on issues/emerging questions in my field and maybe make some helpful connections for post-graduation. I'll hopefully bring back some ideas and contacts that will help the clinic where I currently work with their work. While I'm very interested in the meetings professionally, I must confess to being more excited about the chance to visit good friends in the Philly/Baltimore/Washington area. The meetings are Thursday and Friday but I won't be flying back to Haiti until Monday. I already have lunch/dinner and other social plans in place for every evening and the weekend.

October 15th marked my 1-year mark of working more or less full time here in Port-au-Prince. I've out of Haiti quite a bit over the last 12 months. Every 6-10 weeks or so I've managed to escape for at least a weekend in Miami - thanks to the generosity of my parents who have helped pay my way and other friends who have hosted me. I'm being very intentional about using the term escape - that's pretty much what it has felt like every time I have left. What am I escaping? The poverty? The responsibility of my PhD? The lack of freedom to go out and about? Perhaps - but I've been deeply convicted by the fact that I am trying to escape something much more fundamental. I've been trying to escape who I am in this context.

This is a bit more personal than the direction most of my blog entries head, but if I am trying to give an honest window into my experience here, this has been the underlying current through all of it. I do not think I have ever lived through another season where I am more fundamentally discouraged by my own thoughts and feelings as I have been during this this past year (although the entire grad student endeavor has been challenging in this regard). Closer to the start of this season in Haiti, there were several months there when I was disconcertingly depressed and totally overwhelmed - when I would wake up every morning at 5 am and call my parents in tears. I am thankful to no longer be in that place.... but I also know that part of the way I've gotten beyond it is by creating a pretty tough shell around myself both physically and emotionally. I have gone days without leaving the basic confines of our apartment as the effort that would need to be extended logistically, emotionally, relationally, and sometimes financially did not seem worth the effort. I have become incredibly critical of some of those around me and find myself actively trying to avoid others. Just yesterday I had someone come up to me and (quite bravely/kindly) tell me that something I said had really hurt their feelings.

What is this change of personality (and hopefully not character...though sometimes I worry it is) rooted in? I think it's rooted in loneliness - not aloneness or boredom- but a deeper kind of loneliness that is in a way a testament to how much I have actually been blessed. Over the years, I have developed and sustained an incredible family network - both biological and extended by friendships. These are people with whom i feel totally safe - free to express my greatest joys, my fears, my questions. They are my home - my mobile home - that has been added on to everywhere from Chicago to Kenya to Charm City to Ithaca.

For some reason though, Haiti feels like an exception to that trend. Please don't read this and take it as an accusation of the people I have encountered here in Haiti. There are many truly wonderful people who I do enjoy getting to know and be with when I have the chance. There have been a series of people who have come and gone who have taught me tremendous lessons - many of them hard but important. There are several other people who have passed through and offerred a small taste of home and hope. Many people from my more distant home communities have been there to listen to and love me through calls, emails or visits.

I have had plenty of moments when I find myself blaming those around me for my loneliness and frustration, but I know it is simply not true. I wish I could say that I have reached out to God in my loneliness - but instead I've just managed to get pretty pissed and doubtful - not something I am particularly proud of and definitely not something that seems in any way productive. It feels like a bit of a vicious cycle - a need for community to build and sustain faith and a need for faith to recognize and have the strength/hope to build community. There could be potential family-like friendships all around me right now, but I do not seem to have eyes to see them or a heart ready to receive them.

So where do I go from here? In the short term I will happily get on another plane out of town...but I know in my heart that I have to go back to the fundamentals - back to core issues of who I am and what I believe is true. I really want to embrace the image of the beloved captured by Henry Nouwen's beautiful essay Moving from Solitude to Community to Ministry - a reflection on Luke 6:12-19.

"Your freedom (from fear/guilt/loneliness in my case) is anchored in claiming your belovedness. That allows you to go into this world and touch people, heal them, speak with them, and make them aware that they are beloved, chosen, and blessed. When you discover your belovedness by God, you see the belovedness of other people and call that forth. It's an incredible mystery of God's love that the more you know how deeply you are loved, the more you will see how deeply your sisters and your brothers in the human family are loved....... If we do not know we are the beloved sons and daughters of God, we're going to expect someone in the community to make us feel that way. They cannot. We'll expect someone to give us that perfect, unconditional love. But community is not loneliness grabbing onto loneliness: "I'm so lonely, and you're so lonely." It's solitude grabbing onto solitude: "I am the beloved; you are the beloved; together we can build a home."

Regaining a sense of my identity as beloved by God is the only way that Haiti - or anywhere in this world for that matter - will ever feel like home. I am a bit overwhelmed by the idea of adopting the disciplines of prayer, meditation and thought control that will be needed to get there. A PhD seems simple to earn by comparison. But I know I need to be hopeful - hopeful that there may be a day when my plane ride out of PAP is no longer an escape but rather an extended commute between the many places I happily call home.

The Money Meltdown

Check out The Money Meltdown - a very easy to navigate site compiled by a financial journalist with a selection of well-organized links to key articles, podcasts and studies about the current financial crisis.

I must confess that between living in Haiti and thankfully not being in debt, I have been largely ignorant of all that is happening on the global economic scene. I am excited to work through some of the links on this site - starting with the This American Life podcast this afternoon as it's already on my i-pod.

Kore Pwodiksyon Lokal

Kore Pwodiksyon Lokal (Support Local Production) is a small but growing advocacy movement in Haiti that encourages people to buy local products. Check out this commercial produced by some of my friends at KPL - it has been airing frequently on national television for the last several months. (English subtitles included)


2008 has been a particularly difficult year for the stability of Haitian food system. Protests against the high price of food spread across the country mid-April. Hurricane-related rains in September destroyed a significant percentage of this season's harvest - likely the foreshadowing of further price increases in the months to come.

The artificially low cost of imported food (due to the policies of the US and other governments to subsidize their own farmers to overproduce) and environmental destruction have contributed to the decline in local production of staple foods like rice and peanuts. The lack of a strong stable government means there is little to no leadership in the realms of trade policy or development of infrastrcuture that could help counteract these factors. (Another very pertinent issue is that donor funding follows trends. Agriculture projects were very popular among international donors during the 70's and 80's in the wake of the green revolution. In the 80's, 90's donor attention moved on to other initiatives like family planning and building schools and most recently microfinance and HIV/AIDS, leaving development of the agricultural sector in donor-dependent countries underfunded. When I visited USAID Haiti a couple years ago, they told me that they no longer had a single agronomist on their staff).

Per the law of supply and demand, low supply of locally produced food translates into higher prices. A year ago it was US$2 more per tin to buy Diri Peyi (rice grown in Haiti) than Diri Miami (Miami rice - imported). For families living on less than $1 per day, price inevitably wins out over other perferences. Urban families are particularly prone to purchasing imported food because much of what is produced Haiti's rural agricultural provinces is also consumed there as poor infrastructure makes it logistically difficult and financially costly to get locally grown food to urban markets.

Declines in local production are more than just economic losses. Local food systems deeply reflect cultural identity. Local foods simply taste better to many Haitians. One particular variety of Haitian rice grown in the Artibonnite Valley has a very distinct almost ammonia-like smell and strong taste compared to the bland imported white rice. The first time I cooked with it I actually thought that something had gone terribly wrong and I was really apologetic to the hosts of the dinner party about the bad smell of my rice and lentils. Since then I've grown to really like this uniquely fragrant rice.

One of the exciting things to come from the April food riots was a lot of discussion in the Haitian media about the need to support local production for the sake of Haiti's national food security. Everyday Haitians are able to eloquently articulate fundamental issues of global trade policies and their effect on local food prices. There is a renewed appreciation for the importance of local food systems - and more recently what seems to be an awakening among some international donors for the need to reinvest in national production.

Prophetess(n.): one gifted with more than ordinary spiritual and moral insight; especially; an inspired poet.

If I were to list those people I consider prophets of my generation, Kelly Zen-Yie Tsai would be near the top of my list. An incredibly accomplished Chinese/Taiwanese American spoken word artist / author/ choreographer / multi-media producer Kelly just put out her latest video project BLACK, WHITE, WHATEVER on Youtube and Facebook. It's a timely call demanding that the presidential candidates acknowledge that the mosaic of the US population is composed of more than just black and white pieces.

I was privileged to share in some of the early days of Kelly's journey as an artist and an activist. We went to school together starting in 5th grade and became good friends in high school. I was able to get a front row seat at some of her earliest forays into performance poetry - facilitated by our beloved English teacher and forensics coach Mr. Sampson. (I also played the secretary/treasurer role during her tenure as class president). Several years ago I got to see Kelly perform at a theater festival in Chicago and have followed her work online ever since.

While it's truly incredible to see how far she has come so fast - it's not surprising in the least.

Hurricane recovery update

It's raining tonight in Port-au-Prince, but gently compared to several weeks ago when the series of 3 storms (Gustav, Hanna, and Ike) passed through.

Estimates of the destruction from those storms continue to rise. CNN and the AP report a current death toll of nearly 800. Road damage makes it difficult to reach the most affected areas. Last week, I watched US Marine helicopters on aid runs take off and land from the Port-au-Prince airport. We've seen the cost to transport our latest batch of manba (the fortified peanut butter) double. It comes from a factory in the northern city of Cap-Haitien and damaged roads have contributed to longer transport times at higher gas prices.

Flood damages to crops has caused losses of 20-30% of rice production and 10-20% of banana production. Recommendations are for emergency food distribution to continue until the next harvest cycles in March and June 2009. It's doubtful whether those recommendations will followed through on. The current combined aid appeal of US$107 million is less than 20% funded and it is expected that world attention and relief agency efforts will move on sooner than later.

I haven't been outside of relatively unaffected Port-au-Prince since the storms but I've been hearing lots of stories from friends working for organizations involved in the relief effort. People working up north in hardest hit Gonaives talk about the mud that's everywhere - blocking streets and flowing through what is left of homes. Schools are scheduled to reopen tomorrow after a nationwide delay in the start of the new school year. Up north, this requires clearing out not only the mud but also the families taking refugee in the school buildings.

In the South, roads between the captial Port-au-Prince and Les Cayes, Haiti's second largest city, remain seriously damaged. Right now it's impossible to make the trip without crossing part of the road in a boat. Fuel trucks are too heavy to cross on the small boats and so gas must be carried in a barrel at a time. As a result, gas stations are running out of gas. My friend B called me from Les Cayes on Friday night saying he was cooking in the dark since power lines had still not been repaired and gas shortages meant he couldn't run the generator. Several of my Canadian Embassy friends spent time on a Canadian Naval vessel that came to help with distribution of relief supplies. One of them loved the experience but the other said it was really hard for him to see how people fought over the supplies as soon as armed guards left the scene.

In the wake of the storms, my opinion of Digicel, the Irish-owned mobile phone provider that dominates the Haitian market, remains as high as ever. The company donated $1 million to relief efforts including replacement phones and $400,000 in free phone credit for affected families.

more manba babies

Many thanks to Vanderbilt med student and amateur photographer Meghan who shared her talents to take these portraits of some of our 9-month-old babies with their moms

the trash can that changed my life

What do a trash can, a multifuction laster jet printer and 82 one-inch binders have in common? They are relatively small things that are making me very very happy these days. For the last 11 months I've been running across the large clinic compound each and every time I want to print a single page. I've been walking to the office next door to throw out my trash and since July, I've been cramming piles of data collection forms in two overstuffed binders. Those days are done.

It's so often the small things that can feel like the biggest victories here. I had been asking for a trash can since I arrived last October - but it never materialized until a week ago. Delivery of the 1-inch binders to hold each child's data forms required a month of almost daily visits to the clinic's purchasing department. Once I decided to buy it, the printer was a relatively quick acquisition. I carried it from Chicago a couple weeks ago but had to do a bit of negotiation / playing dumb at the customs counter to avoid paying crazy high taxes on it.

I can't believe how much better I feel about facing the work day knowing that things are just a little more organized and efficient. This should probably give me some hope for the future. If a trash can can change my life, who knows what something a little bigger might do?

Tumblon.com

I've had a link to the trial version of Tumblon.com posted on this blog for the last six months or so. The full Tumblon.com site is now up and running. I encourage you all to head over and take a tour of what it has to offer.

You may be asking yourself "Why is a very single woman with no children of her own promoting a website aimed at parents of kids age 0-5?" Well, let me assure you that it's not some strange almost 30-year-old's maternal fantasy in same spirit as the Christian college girl who buys wedding magazines even though she has never had a boyfriend.

Here's why:

1. Because it's a great idea....and a free one at that. At tumblon.com you can track your children's developmental milestones, receive suggestions on books, toys and activities that are right for their stage, share photos with family and friends and use a simple template to create a family blog.

2. Because I love and respect the people behind it. Tumblon.com was developed by my college friend Graham along with another classmate of ours, Jon. Graham spent several years as a elementary school teacher in the New York public schools before becoming a "stay-at-home" dad for the last 3 years.He is passionate about promoting healthy environments for child development - from improved educational opportunities to practical parenting advice. Graham also happens to be married to one of my dearest friends and fellow Rebecca who is currently doing a fellowship a behavioral and developmental pediatrics in NYC.

3. Because I'm now the kind-of-official Tumblon.com nutrition blogger. Every few days I'm posting about infant and young child nutrition at Something to Chew On, one of the three featured blogs on the Tumblon.com site. It's a fun way for me to bring together three of my favorite things - nutrition, writing and giving advice. Of course, I need all of my friends and loved ones with actual parental experience to read and give constructive feedback on my somewhat theoretical postings.

While you are there you should check out the other two featured blogs - Essential Questions by Graham on parenting, child development and education and Honey for a Child's Heart by Glady's Hunt - a grandmother and well known advocate in certain circles for the importance of literature in family life.

Manba Babies

For more beautiful manba-eating babies click here.

a nutritionist, a rabbi anld a monk walk into a bar....

I've often told people that at parties I feel like a priest - once people hear that I'm a nutritionist they stop talking, look down at their plate, and then start to confess all of their diet-related "sins". More recently I've discovered that being a nutritionist also makes for interesting conversations on airplanes.

Yesterday when I was flying from Chicago to Miami, I got drawn into two nutritional counseling sessions with total strangers. The first was with a woman sitting across from me in the O'Hare food court. Not quite sure how it happened but we started talking about local food and buying organic. Our talk ended with me "referring" her to this helpful guide to the 12 best and 12 worst fruits and veggies in regard to pesticide load to help her prioritize her organic shopping. A couple hours later, as my plane was landing, the women next to me heard about my work in Haiti and asked if I had any advice about feeding her autistic son. Unfortunately that's an area I really know nothing about.

The most interesting on-board discussion I've ever had about my work was on another flight to Miami two years ago. I could feel the eyes of the man seated next to me looking over my shoulder at the proposal about nutrition and HIV/AIDS that I was writing on my laptop. Soon he started making some very specific comments about nutrition and HIV that made me wonder whether he had any personal experience with the disease. By the end of the flight he had shared the full story of his HIV diagnosis, of watching his closest friends die terrible deaths, of riding the ups and downs of new drugs and their side-effects, and about how being HIV-positive continues to affect his self-perceptions and overall health. He offered me the gift of a small glimpse of the realities of living with HIV/AIDS - something I see every day but don't even begin to understand.

Mesi anpil - part one

Many many thanks (mesi anpil) to the lovely family and friends who are making our little room renovation a reality -Sue, Jill, Kathy, Pat, Sarah S, Mom, Dad and especially to Grandma Lucy for being an extremely personal/efficient delivery service. I still need to buy the fan, source a little table, and hang a curtain but sooner than later I will hopefully be posting some photos of a much more baby friendly room. My grandmother brought an adorable alphabet mat that my parents found to cover the floor. (Although I must say it's not so nutrition-friendly given that D is for doughnut and I is for ice cream) It really helps brighten the entire space and gives the parents a relief from holding children on their laps for our hour-long meetings. We've already had a few 7-month old babies practicing World Wrestling Federation-worthy moves. As you can see, they got so tired out, they fell asleep.

What's a VP to do?

No matter where you stand on the personalities currently nominated for Vice President of the United States, you may, like me, still be wondering what the official VP job description actually involves. I don't remember that being stressed on my 8th grade Constitution test. According to this Washington Post article there is some historical precedence for this lack of clarity - the "founding fathers" didn't really know what a VP does in office either. John Adams called the VP role "the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived or his imagination conceived." Walter Mondale (VP under Jimmy Carter) is credited with being the first VP to try to take on a more politically influential/meanginful role.

In the wake of Fay, Gustav, Hanna and Ike

As flood waters recede, sad news from Gonaives continues to rise. Thankful that Josephine is no longer following in their path. Not quite sure what else to be thankful for in these circumstances - except that I was not affected? Even that doesn't seem quite right.

Grandma Lucy comes to town

I'm working from home today after sending Grandma Lucy off to the Port-au-Prince airport this morning. My 82-year-old grandmother (my mom's mom) arrived last Wednesday afternoon - against the recommendations of the American Airlines ticket agent in Chicago. Three active tropical storms in the Caribbean could not keep her back. All she wanted was assurance that the tonic water she drinks daily to help prevent late-night muscle cramps would be available here. It took visits to three different grocery stores but I made sure there was a six-pack of tonic water ready and waiting for her arrival.

It was such a blessing to spend four and a half full days with her. Alone time with Grandma is not something you take for granted when you are one of 19 grandchildren. It took 30 years of life and moving out of the country for me to get my chance!

Between the downpours of rain, I was able to introduce her to many of the activities, people, and places that make up my day-to-day life in and around Port-au-Prince. She came to work at the clinic with me. We ate lots of seafood and listened to a live old-school konpa band at my favorite cafe. We spent an overcast afternoon at a beach resort.

I got to hear a number of old-but-new-to-me family stories. We watched two inspiring movies on DVD and I introduced her to Rummikub - my latest favorite game. (I think it might be her latest favorite game now too). She even had time to read an entire book by my favorite Haitian-American author.

As those who already know her might expect, each friend and coworker here who met Grandma Lucy instantly loved her. They could not believe her energy, her enthusiasm for life or her real age. She had hugs for everyone and made a valiant effort to learn the name of each new person she met.

Sometimes I can't believe it myself - how blessed I am to have such an incredible person in my life and even more blessed to get share some of her incredible genes. Thank you Grandma!

Paul Farmer's account of flooding in North

While I was enjoying my grandmother's visit to Port-au-Prince - many others were responding to the terrible flooding happening to the north in Gonaives- Haiti's third largest city. I've been copied in on a series of emails about the floods. The exerts below comes from a message written by Dr. Paul Farmer, co-founder of Partners in Health (PIH) You can find the full letter he addressed to PIH staff on Saturday night here.

Those interested to donating to the response should contact your local American Red Cross or visit the PIH website. (Photo from PIH)

"The need is of course enormous. After 25 years spent working in Haiti and having grown up in Florida, I can honestly say that I have never seen anything as painful as what I just witnessed in Gonaïves—except in that very same city, four years ago. Again, you know that 2004 was an especially brutal year, and those who work with PIH know why: the coup in Haiti and what would become Hurricane Jeanne. Everyone knows that Katrina killed 1500 in New Orleans and on the Gulf Coast, but very few outside of our circles know that what was then Tropical Storm Jeanne, which did not even make landfall in Haiti, killed an estimated 2000 in Gonaïves alone. Logging on this morning from Mirebalais, I see that Ophelia has circulated the essay I wrote about what are, essentially, unnatural disasters."

"We’re faced with another round of death and obliteration. Haiti’s naked mountains promise many more unnatural disasters. We know that a massive reforestation program and public works to keep cities safer are what’s needed in the medium and long term. But there’s a lot we can do in the short term to help out with disaster relief."

"We saw a couple of U.N. tanks rolling through the muddy water over these streets, some Cuban doctors, and two Red Cross vehicles (one of them stuck in mud at least 10 miles from the city), and heard and saw helicopters overhead. But for the most part the streets were full of debris, upside-down vehicles, and dazed residents looking to get out before the next rains."

"A speedy, determined relief effort could save the lives of tens of thousands of Haitians in Gonaïves and all along the flooded coast. The people of that city and others have been stranded without food or water or shelter for three days and it’s simply not true that they cannot be reached. When I called to say as much to friends working with the U.S. government and with disaster-relief organizations based in Port-au-Prince, it became clear that, as of yesterday, there’s not a lot of accurate information leaving Gonaïves, although estimates of hundreds of deaths are not hyperbolic. We had no cell phone coverage there and had to wait until last night to call people in Port-au-Prince. One sympathetic American friend, following up on our distress calls about a lack of relief, told me this morning the retort she’d heard from an expert employed by a U.N.-affiliated health organization: “Three days without water is nothing. People in southern Haiti affected by Gustave went ten days without water.” No human can go ten days without water. Food, perhaps. But not water."

"A U.S. Coast Guard cutter is to arrive in Gonaïve tomorrow with water and supplies, but by report last night’s attempt to dock a U.N. vessel and distribute food was not successful because of “fear of crowd control” (this was from an American friend in Port-au-Prince, so I can’t confirm anything other than what I saw: no widespread distribution of water or food or tents or tarps or anything)."

"Over 20 years ago, someone explained to me that “wet poverty is worse than dry poverty.” I wasn’t then sure what that meant, but had a pretty good idea of the misery endured by those living through the rainy season in houses that, as the Haitians say, “can fool the sun but not the rain.” I’ve repeated the maxim often enough to merit teasing from my students, but the Haitians find it neither amusing nor over-used. Trying to sleep in wet clothes, on a muddy floor, is high on the list of degradingly uncomfortable activities. It’s better to simply give up and wait until daylight."

"The world is waking up to these threats, but Haitians have long been pulling all-nighters as rainstorms keep them up rather than lull them to sleep. Please give generously to ZL’s efforts to intervene immediately, and share this with friends and family who might give even small amounts via the PIH website."

Paul Farmer