anxious

I was scheduled to fly out of Haiti today but changed my ticket to next Saturday with hopes of having things with the nutrition programs at the clinic and the IDP camp a little farther along before I return to Ithaca. Am so thankful that E - the recent Cornell undergrad who had joined our nutrition team just 5 days before the quake - returned to Port-au-Prince on Wednesday ready to jump back into the thick of things. Even with her on board, I know I could extend my stay by 6+ months and still feel like I was walking away at the wrong time.

I have to get back to Ithaca soon if I am going to meet an end-of-March deadline for a manuscript related to a student prize that I am unexpectedly a finalist for . At this moment the stress that comes with staying here in Haiti is more appealing than the stress of an academic deadline. I haven't consciously thought about my dissertation in months -but I am very aware of the shadow that this unfinished degree is casting over my days here. It is so frustrating. Why can't I let go of the worry and be fully engaged in this important moment? There is just no right-feeling time these days.